Pervasive Shadows
by RiverStorm16
Summary: What happens when the one you love no longer lets you be close to them. A dark tale of Morinaga's depression when Tatsumi no longer lets him be close anymore. Stick it out until the end it isn't all bad I promise.
1. Chapter 1

**So Tatsumi and Morinaga are my new yaoi obsession at the moment so I decided to write a story on them. This story is a little dark but please read it until the end I promise it will be worth it. There are trigger warnings for self-cutting in this story. You have been warned! If you want a little ambiance to the story look up the song Sparrow by Miika Mettiainen it is a song that only has a piano playing but the tune goes well with the story. Enjoy and please review to tell me what you think.**

"Idiot get off me!" Senpai hissed in annoyance.

"But Sen-" Tetsuhiro started, but was cut off by the older man.

"I have a lot of homework, I don't need you distracting me" Senpai said, coldly shaking the other man off him.

Tetsuhiro sighed, lately Senpai had been doing this, pushing him away and coming up with reasons why they couldn't do anything. It was starting to get to Tetsuhiro, though for Senpai's sake he didn't let it show. The raven-haired man stood up and went to the bathroom, locking the door behind him as he picked up a razor. The once smooth blade was now lightly stained with what would look like rust to anyone else but was actually the remains of dried blood.

Tetsuhiro rolled up his sleeves and let the blade run across his skin, staring at the trail of blood it left in it's wake, not even flinching at the searing pain. He had never thought he would take up something like cutting, but since it had been many long months since he and Senpai did anything, even cuddling, cutting was the only way he could feel anything real. When he first started out it had hurt like hell, but after awhile Tetsuhiro found that he was cutting deeper and deeper to feel more. He knew somewhere in the back of his mind this was dangerous but he couldn't seem to care anymore.

Tetsuhiro would spend hours locked in the bathroom, slicing away at his skin. Most of the time he was thinking on his and Senpai's relationship, wondering how he could still keep going after all the pushing away the other man did. His mind would sometimes shift to Misaki and wondered if this is what he felt like after being rejected by the one he loved. He often thought what Senpai would do if he just killed himself, part of him hoped that his Senpai would grieve and truly be sad that he was gone. But another part of him, a dark whisper in the back of his mind, told him that no one would care, that Senpai would actually be happy that he was finally gone. It was those thoughts that often drove Tetsuhiro to cut deeper, until his arms were practically covered in blood.

On the darker days that he actually considered letting the blood continue to flow there would always be a knock on the door and Senpai's voice shouting to open the door so he could take a shower or brush his teeth. So Tetsuhiro always stopped the bleeding and cleaned up, hiding his dark secret from the other man.

Despite his best effort to keep his cutting a secret by making sure to not let his blood stain anything and to always wear long sleeves Senpai still discovered his secret.

One night while they were washing dishes Tetsuhiro's sleeve moved up just enough to reveal a few scars on his wrist. Senpai noticed it when the younger man handed him a dish to dry.

"Morinaga…what is that?" Senpai asked, glancing at his wrist.

Tetsuhiro's eyes wondered down to his arm and quickly covered up his exposed skin, "it's nothing."

But Senpai wasn't satisfied, he reached forwarded and forcefully yanked one of Tetsuhiro's arms toward him, pushing up the sleeve as he did. Senpai stared at the dozen cuts that littered Tetsuhiro's arm. It was silent between them for a few moments as Senpai continued to stare. He finally looked up to meet his eyes with Tetsuhiro's and the younger man was shocked to see actual pain in those amber eyes.

"I…I don't understand" Senpai whispered after a few seconds, his voice slightly shaking.

Tetsuhiro was unable to keep looking at the other man. He hadn't wanted him to see the scars or know his dark secret. He hadn't wanted Senpai to know just how painful being around him truly was.

Suddenly Tetsuhiro felt a flash of anger. Why wasn't he allowed to show his scars and angrily shout that it was the older man's fault? Though the anger was burning brightly in him the answer to all his questions came through clearly, 'because I love him.' That answer is what kept him from yelling at his Senpai but it wasn't enough to stop the snapping.

"I told you it's nothing, leave it be" Tetsuhiro snapped.

Senpai looked taken back by the sudden harsh tone, but he kept pressing even if his voice cracked when he spoke, "Am I…"

"I said leave it be!" Tetsuhiro shouted, ripping his arm from out of the other man's grip and sprinting to his room, slamming the door.

After the door was closed Tetsuhiro slid to the floor, tears flooding in his eyes before he could stop them. Why did Senpai show he cared now? After so many months of coldness why show it now? Or was it even caring that he was showing? Senpai did consider them friends more than anything so maybe he was just concerned as a friend and nothing more. So many thoughts ran through Tetsuhiro's mind as he lay there on the floor, shaking and crying like he never had before.

What was he going to do?

 **So yeah when I said it was dark I meant it but there is a point to all this. I honestly think this fits Morinaga's character well. He depends on attention from Tatsumi, he needs it. And when Tatsumi just refuses him and continues to push him away eventually Morinaga will be at his breaking point. That is what I'm trying to show here, this is his breaking point. If the characters seem OOC please do let me know and if you have the time review my story. This will be a story with multiple chapters but not too many so I hope everyone will be interested and want to read more.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

 **Hello again people! So here is chapter two of the story. This chapter is dark as well, the majority of this story is very dark but I hope that everyone will keep reading. I did really put my heart and soul into this and spent a lot of time studying the characters to get them right. Anyways I hope you enjoy chapter 2 and please review if you can.**

Souchi stared at the door that had slammed shut a few moments ago in shock. Morinaga had gotten mad at him a few times before, but never like this. The pain in the other man's eyes as he ripped his arm away was almost suffocating. Add that with the discovery of those heavily scared arms and the guilt Souichi suddenly felt was almost enough to make him collapse to the floor.

He wasn't sure how long he stared at that closed door, Morinaga's shouts constantly ringing in his ears. It must have been hours that he stared. Eventually the sun had taken all light and Souichi could no longer see Morinaga's door in the darkness. Slowly he turned and numbly stumbled to his own room, barely managing to get there before his legs gave out on him and he collapsed on his bed. Tears came to his eyes and he allowed them to spill over.

What had he done?

Many hours later Souichi still lay wide awake on his bed, his amber eyes staring out at nothing as his mind wondered. The pale moonlight shone through his unshaded window, turning his sandy blonde hair to silver in its rays. Morinaga loved seeing Souichi's hair in the moonlight, he had said it made Souichi look like an angel.

Tears came to the man's eyes as he thought of Morinaga whispering that in his ear. It had made Souichi blush, having Morinaga stare at him like he was a rare creature, but then again Morinaga always stared at him like that. But lately he hadn't. Souichi didn't notice until he thought about it. Lately Morinaga's eyes held only sad emotions. He had tried to hide it with a fake smile and carefree voice, but his eyes gave away his true emotions. How could Souichi be so careless and just miss that?

But then again why was it his responsibility to notice this? It wasn't like he and Morinaga were lovers, despite what the other man did to him constantly. Souichi didn't owe the younger man anything. So why did he feel so guilty then?

Souichi rolled over, staring at the half moon that was rising, bathing his whole room in its silver glow. As he remembered Morinaga's words again he thought over what the younger man really meant to him. It wasn't an easy question to answer.

Morinaga had forced his feelings at first, giving Souichi no way out, but after awhile that seemed to change. At some point it wasn't the blackmail that was allowing Morinaga to do as he wished. As much as Souichi hated to admit it there was some part of him that knew he secretly enjoyed Morinaga's touched, it was the part Souichi never let show out of stubbornness.

There was also the fact that Souchi had started to respond back to the kisses they exchanged. Granted he would quickly come up with some excuse for it when Morinaga asked, he had too much pride to admit he liked it when they kissed.

This wasn't anything new to Souichi though, he had had this argument in his head a thousand times already. It had gotten to the point where he practically craved to feel that touch again, but he refused to let it show. And now as a result they ended up where they are now, laying in their rooms and questioning everything.

Souichi started to think over what had happened earlier. Would they never have nights together again? Would he ever get to feel Morinaga's touch or the softness of his lips? Those thoughts scared Souichi a bit. He had gotten so used to the other man's presence he wasn't sure what he would do if it was gone forever.

His mind started to wonder even more. What if Morinaga decides to move out? What if he goes somewhere else and I never see him again? What if he says he hated me now? What if he's gone and there's nothing I can do to get him back?

Souichi shut his eyes and covered his ears in a fruitless attempt to silence the thoughts running through his mind. But they didn't go away, the thoughts grew louder. They began to bleed together, talking over each other as if to get what they were saying to be noticed more. Soon it became almost deafening. Souichi lay curled in a ball, covering his ears and wishing away his plaguing thoughts. Why did he have to care so much about that idiot? Why couldn't he just be cold like he was to everyone else? Why couldn't he stop thinking of Morinaga? Why? Why?!

A sudden loud thud interrupted his thoughts. Souichi sat up, startled by the unexpected noise. It only took him a few seconds to realize where that sound had come from, the bathroom.

Morinaga

Without a second thought Souichi sprang from his bed and out of his room. He reached the door to the bathroom, but found it locked.

"Morinaga!" He shouted pounding loudly on the door, his heart roaring in his ears.

There was no answer and Souichi began to panic, he had to get into that room. He turned and stepped back as far as he could from the door. He took a deep breath and ran full force at the door, putting all his weight on it, but it stayed closed. That didn't stop him though, he crashed into it again and again until finally it gave way, crashing to the ground with a loud thud. When Souichi looked into the room his heart stopped at the sight before him.

The room was covered in bright red. The walls, the floor, and even the ceiling were dripping with the color. Souichi's eyes fell to what lay in the center of the room. A still figure that was covered in red as well. The color stained the clothing, the dark hair, the deathly pale skin. The source of the red came from long gashes in the person's arms, still dripping with the dark liquid.

Souichi stared unbelieving at what he saw. In an instant his world came crashing down as he fell to the floor, not caring that the blood soaked into his clothing. He crawled to the man that he couldn't stop thinking about.

"Morinaga" he sobbed, pulling the still body into his arms and holding tight to him.

This couldn't be real.

 **Wait stop where are you going?! Don't hate me too much for this please. Like I said the end is worth reaching just stick it out until then. Sorry if I just tore anyone's heart out with this, it made me sad writing it too trust me. Please review and tell me what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Souichi sat in a chair in the waiting room, his clothing and hair still sticky with blood. He had his head in his hands and his whole body shook in shock. Of all the fears he had had before this was not one of them. Why hadn't he tried to talk to Morinaga?

He was so foolish.

He could have done more, he could have prevented this if he hadn't been so stubborn. He let his pride get in the way of what was important and now it had led to this disaster.

Souichi heard the door open and a few footsteps before he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He glanced up to see a female doctor standing there, sympathy in here eyes.

"Are you Tatsumi?" she asked quietly.

"Yes, Morinaga how…" Souichi started to ask but stopped short when he saw the look the doctor gave him.

"I'm sorry" was all she said.

And just like that Souichi's world came crashing down again, shattering like a fragile pane of glass. This couldn't be happening, he couldn't be gone just like that.

Souichi looked up at the doctor and tried to keep his voice from shaking as he asked, "c-can I s-see him?"

She nodded and led him back to a room, once there she closed the door so he could be alone. Souichi slowly approached the table that held the now lifeless body of his friend. Morinaga looked so calm and peaceful, as if he was merely sleeping.

Suddenly the reality came crashing on top of Soiuchi as he touched the other man's cold skin. He would never get to see those olive green eyes looking at him, never get to feel that warm skin pressed so closely against his own. Never hear that voice whisper his name, never feel the softness of those lips against his own. Everything he and Morinaga had was gone. It was gone forever and there was no way he could ever get it back.

Souichi had never felt such pain in his life, he felt as though someone had ripped his beating heart out of his chest and kicked him down a long flight of stairs. He felt like he couldn't breath, he was drowning in his own emotions with no one to save him.

He clung to the cold body in front of him until his knuckles turned white. A stream of tears flowed from his eyes, making it impossible to see anything. He didn't even attempt to hold back the sobs that shook his entire body.

He couldn't move or hardly think, all he could do was sob and hurt. Why did this have to happen? How had things gotten so bad?

"Why did you have to leave me you bastard?!" Souichi screamed at his dead friend, "why must you be so cruel?!"

It must have been hours that he sat there, clinging to Morinaga's lifeless corpse and sobbing until his throat was raw. He didn't want to accept this as his reality, he wanted more than anything to take back all the hateful words he said and all the times he had pushed away.

The guilt and regret ate at him until it felt like he was just a hollow shell. And still he continued to cry, the tears seeming to be an endless stream.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Souichi whispered in his hoarse voice.

He said it over and over again like a mantra, like it would fix everything he had done. Like it would bring Morinaga back to life and he would smile at his Senpai and forgive him and everything would be alright again. But no matter how many times he said it it fixed nothing, Morinaga was still gone and it was still his fault.

What had he done?

 **-ducks behind a table- ok don't hate me too much please, there is a point to all this and I promise the end is worth getting to. Sorry if I made anyone mad after killing Morinaga I promise you won't hate me as much when you read the rest of the story. Please keep the reviews coming I like hearing from my readers.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

 **Wow I can't believe how many reviews I got on my story it has made me so happy! I'm so thrilled that there are many of you that enjoy a story I really put my heart and soul into. Here is the next chapter please continue to review and let me know what you think.**

Time seemed to pass in a blur. Before he knew it the funeral for Morinaga had been planned. He stood dressed in blackness along with everyone else. He could hear people around him quietly sobbing but he remained silent. He could only stare in disbelief as the coffin was laid into the ground in front of the stone that held his friend's name.

He exchanged words with other mourners but hardly registered their faces or what they said. Everything felt so cold and numb and unreal. Souichi waited until everyone had left. One by one the cars pulled away until only he stood alone, staring at nothing.

He hated feeling this way, even the death of his mother many years ago hadn't made him feel this…empty. What was it about Morinaga that made him feel like he had been torn in half and that he could never be whole again? Why did that idiot make him feel so much?

Souichi hadn't noticed that he had gotten closer until his hand touched the cold stone of the tomb. He stared at the name of his friend again, still not believing it was there. Why was he here, still living when his friend was as cold and lifeless as the rock that held his name.

Souichi felt his legs give out from under him as he fell down in front of the grave, fresh tears springing to his eyes as he did despite how many countless hours he had spent crying before.

Suddenly all his memories of Morinaga came to him. Every word, every kiss and touch, every moment good and bad. The last memory was of that lifeless body lying on the bathroom floor with nothing but red surrounding it. That last memory is what caused Souichi's heart to break, to shatter into a million pieces. The one that had kept him together was gone, buried in the cold ground while he had to remain up here and suffer the consequence to his careless actions.

Souichi found himself beating at the freshly covered ground, wanting to be down there too, to not have to feel this ache anymore. He continued to beat at the dirt as images of Morinaga's face kept appearing in his mind, reminding him of everything and making him feel more and more guilt. He was the reason he would never get to see his friend again and it killed him to know that.

As the images of Morinaga's face seemed to slowly fade from his mind Souichi was left with one thing, Morinaga's voice whispering, "I love you."

That small phrase echoed in his head over and over. The memory of Morinaga's voice managing to bring a fresh wave of tears to Souichi's eyes. That phrase is what really hit him the most. A lot of couples would say that phrase to each other without understanding the deep meaning behind it.

When Morinaga had first said that to Souichi he too thought his friend had no idea of the meaning behind it. But he realized that every time Morinaga would say it his eyes were filled with such passion and love. Each time Morinaga had said it he knew the meaning behind those words and meant it with all his heart.

And what had Souichi done in return each time those words were spoken to him? He had rejected them. He had pushed away the other man or yelled at him. He had rejected Morinaga so many times it eventually was too much for him. And now he would never know the truth.

Normally Souichi's pride would get in the way of admitting something like that, but he no longer had any pride. How could he after what had happened? He had to admit that he care for the younger man, that he had grow to enjoy his company.

All that wasted time not willing to admit what he knew was true. All that wasted time pretending not to care. All that wasted time not being truthful and admitting to himself what was always in the back of his mind.

And now it was too late, his friend was gone forever. He would never know what lie in Souichi's heart. The truth.

Souichi bowed his head, letting his tears soak into the soil, his voice was very quiet and shaky as he finally spoke the words Morinaga had always wanted to hear, the truth that lie in his heart, "I love you too."

" **Oh now you care!"** came an angry booming voice.

Souichi looked up and suddenly the graveyard was gone. There was nothing but blackness surrounding him. He could barely see anything.

It only took a second for him to realize that was Morinaga's voice. He spun around to see a flash of black hair and then it was gone.

" **You never would say it to my face, so why now?"** came a hiss from behind him and Souichi spun to see a flash of Morinaga's face.

" **You're nothing but a coward"** came a whisper in his ear, it surprised him so much he fell to the ground when he tried to turn around.

" **And now look at you! The guilt eating at you"** Morinaga sneered, his voice so close it startled Souichi to his feet again.

" **I trusted you, love you and you let me die!"** Morinaga shouted, suddenly appearing out of the blackness, making Soiuchi jump back.

"No" Souichi breathed out.

" **It's your fault!"** Morinaga shouted, his words seeming to echo endlessly, making Souichi fall to his knees and cover his ears.

"I'm sorry Morinaga, I'm so sorry" Souichi whispered, shaking as the words continued to echo.

" **Look at what you did to me!"**

Suddenly the gravestone was there again but this time pale rotting hands were clawing their way out. Souichi watched in horror as Morinaga's rotting corpse rose out of the ground like something out of a horror movie. His hair was matted and uneven, his skin as pale as a ghost and some of it was falling off or missing. The corpse had no eyes, only empty sockets that seem to penetrate right through Souichi's very soul. The corpse screamed the most inhuman scream Souichi had ever heard as it lunged at him.

" **And now you will pay for what you did!"** it shouted in a demonic form of Morinaga's voice.

Souichi felt a searing pain run through him as he let out a terrified scream. But suddenly his eyes snapped open to be greeted by sunlight.

 **And cliffhanger! Ok well sort of a cliffhanger I'm sure most of you can figure out what is going to happen. I will try to have the next chapter out by tomorrow so just review until then and let me know what you thought.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

 **So here it is the last chapter of my story. It is short and sweet but I hope you guys enjoy reading it nonetheless.**

Souichi was breathing heavy and drenched in sweat as he gazed around, very confused as to where he was. It took a few moments for him to realize he was in his room, laying on his bed. Gentle sunlight was streaming into his window. He had been asleep? When had he fallen asleep? A sudden voice startled him out of his thoughts.

"Senpai?"

Souichi gasped at the voice and his eyes finally rested on Morinaga, he was kneeling beside the bed, giving him a worried gaze.

"Senpai, are you alright?" Morinaga asked quietly.

"M-Morinaga?" Souichi questioned, unbelieving of what he was seeing.

"You were having a nightmare, I was trying to wake you" Morinaga informed.

"Y-you're a-alive?" Souichi asked, his voice breaking slightly.

Morinaga's brow wrinkled in confusion, "of course I am, why wouldn't I be?"

That's when it hit Souichi, it was all a dream. It had all been a horrible nightmare. And Morinaga was still alive, he was still here. Souichi was so happy he didn't know what to do. He hadn't lost Morinaga. Suddenly and without warning he sprung up and held tight to the younger man.

"Sen-"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" Souichi whispered, tears starting to form in his eyes.

"W-what for?" Morinaga asked, still shocked.

"For the pain I caused you, for pushing you away, for everything" Souichi said, holding tighter to the other man.

"Senpai, I don't-"

"Morinaga, I- I love you" Souichi said, his voice just barely audible.

He heard the other man gasp in surprise.

"You-you love me?"

"I had a dream you were gone. I was so scared, I thought it was real. I thought I would never get to tell you how I feel. I was foolish, not letting my feelings show, always pushing you away. All you wanted was my love. You gave so much to me and I took it for granted and I'm sorry. I had no idea how much I would miss you, how much I cared until I saw you dead. It terrified me to think you were gone forever and that I was alone."

Souichi finally let all his walls he held up come crumbling down as he poured his heart out to the other man. His voice was gentle and warm. He was showing a side Morinaga had never seen, a side that he had refused to let Morinaga see. But now it was here and out in the open. He was done pretending. He didn't want Morinaga to die not knowing the truth. He was finally honest.

Souichi pulled back so they could look into each other's eyes. He stared at Morinaga's olive green eyes and took in their beauty, something he never took the time to appreciate before. Morinaga calmly stared back at him, happiness once again in his eyes for the first time in a long time.

"I love you" Souichi said again, meaning it with all his heart.

"I- I love you too Senpai" Morinaga said, tears of joy slipping down his cheeks.

"Idiot, don't cry" Souichi said, gently wiping away the tears.

His hand remained on Morinaga's face, slowly pulling him closer. They paused for a moment when their lips were almost touching. Finally it was Souichi that closed the distance, meeting their lips in a gentle kiss. And suddenly everything became so clear. He truly loved this man in front of him. It had taken him so long to realize it, but at last he had. It had taken him loosing everything in a nightmare to realize Morinaga _was_ his everything.

When they broke apart at last Souichi stared into those beautiful eyes, the feeling of love surrounding him.

"Senpai"

"Souichi" he corrected.

"What?" Morinaga asked in confusion.

"Call me Souichi now" he said again.

"Souichi" Morinaga said quietly, a smile on his lips as he said it.

"Tetsuhiro" Souichi said in reply, smiling as well.

"I love you Souichi"

"I love you too Tetsuhiro"

They both leaned in for a kiss again, Souichi gently pulling them so they fell back on the bed. Both of them wrapping their arms around each other, caught up in the feeling of being near one another. Souichi finally felt like he was complete, no longer running away from his feelings. He lay there in Tetsuhiro's arms and knew that was where he truly belonged. He was happy at last to be surrounded by this kind of strong love. It was like nothing he felt before and finally, finally he was at peace.

 **And scene. There you have it. I told you guys it would be worth reading until the end. I want to thank everyone that took the time to read my story and to review it I feel like my hard work paid off when I get to see readers enjoying my work. I do have a sequel planned if anyone is interested. I promise it is a much happier story than this one. Thank you all so much again!**


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